Stuff...

Life is strange. I've been wanting to write for as long as I can remember and now that I have the opportunity to do it, things just aren't jelling for me. It's bizarre and frustrating.

I feel like my life isn't secure. Everything is in limbo. I sometimes feel like I should be doing other things with my time instead of writing. Practical things like laundry, dusting, working out, cooking dinner. You know - "normal" things.

Lots of sacrifices have been made so that I can do this and nothing is coming of it. I have been at it for almost a year and while I did think there was some progress, I'm wondering if a lot of it was just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I was excited and seeing things that weren't really all they appeared to be because I was wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses.

There are days when I try to write and think I have so much to say but when I see the screen in front of me, nothing comes out. It's like the words and thoughts are stuck and don't know how to unstick themselves.

It doesn't help that being a writer is such a solitary profession. Hours alone with nothing but one's own thoughts is not easy to deal with on a daily basis. Maybe that's why I avoid writing some days - I don't want to listen to my brain. Being caught up in one's own head is draining.

There are days when I want to walk away from it. Days when I want to give it all up and not ever write another thing, creative or otherwise. I wonder if I could? Or if I would even want to do that.

I'm not saying that I'm giving it up. I'm really not sure what I'm saying other than this is hard. I didn't think it would be easy and I knew it wouldn't happen overnight but I feel like I'm running in place. No fun.

Luckily my best friend and I are going to continue working on a fun project together. That may help me to get past my writing blahs. So, I am feeling hopeful about it. I don't want to put too much on it because I don't want to create unnecessary pressure for myself. Hopefully, it will be fun and will get me creating again.

Smiling On the Inside,

~ V

Experience

Yesterday evening, I had a very interesting experience.  I accompanied a friend to a meeting for recovering addicts.  It was very moving and eye-opening.  I had never been to such a meeting but found it to be refreshing.  Everyone seemed to be open and honest and there was no judgment.  I thought about how it would be nice if "normies" could also have a safe haven to visit where we could discuss our feelings and thoughts with a group and feel no shame.  There are plenty of times when I have felt like talking to someone about what has gone on during my day and how it makes me feel.  Sometimes just verbalizing things like that helps and releases it from our minds.  That seemed to be how it worked for those attending the meeting last night.  Maybe with all of the stresses that people are enduring these days such as job loss, poor economy, health issues, etc., a group called Life Anonymous would be a good thing to have around.  A place where people can go and talk to others who are experiencing similar things or who have made it through hardships and can offer insight.  I think it would help so many people.  And it would be a way to reach out to those in need because we never know when it will be our turn to need help.

Smiling,
V ~