Stuff...

Life is strange. I've been wanting to write for as long as I can remember and now that I have the opportunity to do it, things just aren't jelling for me. It's bizarre and frustrating.

I feel like my life isn't secure. Everything is in limbo. I sometimes feel like I should be doing other things with my time instead of writing. Practical things like laundry, dusting, working out, cooking dinner. You know - "normal" things.

Lots of sacrifices have been made so that I can do this and nothing is coming of it. I have been at it for almost a year and while I did think there was some progress, I'm wondering if a lot of it was just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I was excited and seeing things that weren't really all they appeared to be because I was wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses.

There are days when I try to write and think I have so much to say but when I see the screen in front of me, nothing comes out. It's like the words and thoughts are stuck and don't know how to unstick themselves.

It doesn't help that being a writer is such a solitary profession. Hours alone with nothing but one's own thoughts is not easy to deal with on a daily basis. Maybe that's why I avoid writing some days - I don't want to listen to my brain. Being caught up in one's own head is draining.

There are days when I want to walk away from it. Days when I want to give it all up and not ever write another thing, creative or otherwise. I wonder if I could? Or if I would even want to do that.

I'm not saying that I'm giving it up. I'm really not sure what I'm saying other than this is hard. I didn't think it would be easy and I knew it wouldn't happen overnight but I feel like I'm running in place. No fun.

Luckily my best friend and I are going to continue working on a fun project together. That may help me to get past my writing blahs. So, I am feeling hopeful about it. I don't want to put too much on it because I don't want to create unnecessary pressure for myself. Hopefully, it will be fun and will get me creating again.

Smiling On the Inside,

~ V